Monday, November 30, 2009
HeyHeys!
Finally I'm back to my blogging lifestyle.. =)
Let's start off with my daily lifestyle now.. most of my time are at ntu hall.. pei my dearest deardear.. we spend almost all our time together.. breakfast and dinner and slp time.. =) day time is usually when i'm at work pia-ing my work before i have to ot at night..
we rely on each other.. for food for transport for companion for every little things.. we overlook very small minor details but we are very happie right now.. there's a point in time when the week we dun get to see each other at all during the wkday.. it was tis pt of time when he start to be very caring n things are really sweet.. but i'm feeling quite blessed too.. having him by my side almost during all my free time.. =)even tho there may be some time i really wan to go do my hair and do sm shopping for myself.. =P
As for work, i really feel so cheated yet i'm still willing to slog my life for the,.. my wkends and evening time are usually burnt.. seriously.. i'm upset.. i need a job that has better welfare.. =)
alrights.. i shall keep things short for today.. let's hope i have the time to do my hair soon.. hahas =P
Finally I'm back to my blogging lifestyle.. =)
Let's start off with my daily lifestyle now.. most of my time are at ntu hall.. pei my dearest deardear.. we spend almost all our time together.. breakfast and dinner and slp time.. =) day time is usually when i'm at work pia-ing my work before i have to ot at night..
we rely on each other.. for food for transport for companion for every little things.. we overlook very small minor details but we are very happie right now.. there's a point in time when the week we dun get to see each other at all during the wkday.. it was tis pt of time when he start to be very caring n things are really sweet.. but i'm feeling quite blessed too.. having him by my side almost during all my free time.. =)even tho there may be some time i really wan to go do my hair and do sm shopping for myself.. =P
As for work, i really feel so cheated yet i'm still willing to slog my life for the,.. my wkends and evening time are usually burnt.. seriously.. i'm upset.. i need a job that has better welfare.. =)
alrights.. i shall keep things short for today.. let's hope i have the time to do my hair soon.. hahas =P
11:41 PM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
i tot i really want a person who can understand me n just sayang me no matter how strong i appear to be.. but i realise maybe i'm not born to be such a person.. i'm not born to be sayang by a loved one.. or maybe i just cant feel it..? cos he evreything oso hahaha.. doesn't matter..
1:23 PM
hmm.. i'm kind of tired..
i really wanna hide smwhr..
even tho he offered a place for me,
i still dun feel good.
it has always been the place i want to hide at.
but now, it's not a place i wan to hide at.
for MANY reasons.
bcos of our relationship,
all the more i feel i cant hide at his place.
suddenly the feeling of helplessness againn
i really wan to own my place.
i dun wan to haf so much problems.
can we really settle this problem soon n lead our own peaceful life?
i really wanna hide smwhr..
even tho he offered a place for me,
i still dun feel good.
it has always been the place i want to hide at.
but now, it's not a place i wan to hide at.
for MANY reasons.
bcos of our relationship,
all the more i feel i cant hide at his place.
suddenly the feeling of helplessness againn
i really wan to own my place.
i dun wan to haf so much problems.
can we really settle this problem soon n lead our own peaceful life?
12:52 PM
Monday, April 20, 2009
hmm.. was toking to my mummy..
now i realise,
is this really what i want?
even tho i noe i'll be a little bu shuang about?
cos i'm starting to see all the possible future prbs again!
i noe it's ntg wrong for him to think that way.
but maybe it's just not what i truly wanted.
the kind of relationship that i wanted only occurs in dramas.
i'm just living in a world on my own, hoping that time can change him.
age will affect one's thinking. i doubt he's the kind.
settledown? nope he has never tot about that.
hearing ppl having so big views about their future.. i start to ask what's my future?
n when i dun haf an ans, cos my ideal future n his future doesnt seem to coincide at all.
on the brighter side,
u can say we both haf the same views.
happie, tat's most impt.
but apparently i wan to be happie so much so that i become unhappie =(
am i really just soo wrong to bring this up when i noe he's not changing a tinge bit of his opinions? his dreams? cos everything also not very impt?
read this newspaper article just now.
it says, husband dun need wife. children cry, husband oso dun care. it's time to gif hope on him.
n honestly, my hopes has been dashed long time ago. just that i hide everything behind me. dun wanna go think abt it. tot it'll be good for the both of us. but hiding behind doesnt mean forget~!
do you really need me in your life?
if no ( which i highly think it's this, but i just wan u to say it out from your mouth n i'll be heart dead. i'll let u go!!!), pls tell me. end the sorrows early before things get deeper n more complicated.
if yes, i'll be glad i'm still someone whose world n ur world is still the same one.
hmm times like this is redundant. i shudnt even haf tot about it. but i just dun wan to regret in the future. to be wif someone who doesnt really love me alot alot, like loove of his life.. n deprive me of any other chance of letting someone who loves me alot alot n does alot for me n plans the future for me to be with me.
i noe
even how many more years down the road,
his tots will never change.
am i on the right track? leading to my beautiful future?
i haf no other complains about him just that i dunno y i so bu shuang.
i'm veri insecure.
maybe not cos of the gers, but he himself.
to say he's not showing that he cares, it's wrong oso.
cos indeed he tried to care the slightest bit.
just that it's not like those in the drama wher it's really hong hong lie lie.
sad means sad
hppie means happie
i tink he's just a monotonous feeling guy.
right?
whenever i tried to ask myself qns.
i shud be able to come up wif the ans.
but trust me, i always noe his ans.
it doesnt rally bother him.
it doesnt matter.
hence all the time, for the sake of hearing super negative stuff from him just to end the relationship these few times. it's just ntg. u noe, "what's the point if...?" this sentence has given me the courage.. after so many times.. upon hearing this again, i will choose the path. cos if i really mean ntg to him. no point holding so tightly.
from yst until today, i've been trying very hard to be normal. but smtimes i haven sort out my tots i just dun wanna force myself to tok to him. hmm.. now everything kinds of repeated n i once again convinced myself that i shud be a nice gf n not disturb him during his exams. tho to him, it's not a disturbance at alll bah.. yupyupp..
so bu gan xin!!! =(
let's hope i can haf the super big heart to compromise n accomodate him for a long long time!
now i realise,
is this really what i want?
even tho i noe i'll be a little bu shuang about?
cos i'm starting to see all the possible future prbs again!
i noe it's ntg wrong for him to think that way.
but maybe it's just not what i truly wanted.
the kind of relationship that i wanted only occurs in dramas.
i'm just living in a world on my own, hoping that time can change him.
age will affect one's thinking. i doubt he's the kind.
settledown? nope he has never tot about that.
hearing ppl having so big views about their future.. i start to ask what's my future?
n when i dun haf an ans, cos my ideal future n his future doesnt seem to coincide at all.
on the brighter side,
u can say we both haf the same views.
happie, tat's most impt.
but apparently i wan to be happie so much so that i become unhappie =(
am i really just soo wrong to bring this up when i noe he's not changing a tinge bit of his opinions? his dreams? cos everything also not very impt?
read this newspaper article just now.
it says, husband dun need wife. children cry, husband oso dun care. it's time to gif hope on him.
n honestly, my hopes has been dashed long time ago. just that i hide everything behind me. dun wanna go think abt it. tot it'll be good for the both of us. but hiding behind doesnt mean forget~!
do you really need me in your life?
if no ( which i highly think it's this, but i just wan u to say it out from your mouth n i'll be heart dead. i'll let u go!!!), pls tell me. end the sorrows early before things get deeper n more complicated.
if yes, i'll be glad i'm still someone whose world n ur world is still the same one.
hmm times like this is redundant. i shudnt even haf tot about it. but i just dun wan to regret in the future. to be wif someone who doesnt really love me alot alot, like loove of his life.. n deprive me of any other chance of letting someone who loves me alot alot n does alot for me n plans the future for me to be with me.
i noe
even how many more years down the road,
his tots will never change.
am i on the right track? leading to my beautiful future?
i haf no other complains about him just that i dunno y i so bu shuang.
i'm veri insecure.
maybe not cos of the gers, but he himself.
to say he's not showing that he cares, it's wrong oso.
cos indeed he tried to care the slightest bit.
just that it's not like those in the drama wher it's really hong hong lie lie.
sad means sad
hppie means happie
i tink he's just a monotonous feeling guy.
right?
whenever i tried to ask myself qns.
i shud be able to come up wif the ans.
but trust me, i always noe his ans.
it doesnt rally bother him.
it doesnt matter.
hence all the time, for the sake of hearing super negative stuff from him just to end the relationship these few times. it's just ntg. u noe, "what's the point if...?" this sentence has given me the courage.. after so many times.. upon hearing this again, i will choose the path. cos if i really mean ntg to him. no point holding so tightly.
from yst until today, i've been trying very hard to be normal. but smtimes i haven sort out my tots i just dun wanna force myself to tok to him. hmm.. now everything kinds of repeated n i once again convinced myself that i shud be a nice gf n not disturb him during his exams. tho to him, it's not a disturbance at alll bah.. yupyupp..
so bu gan xin!!! =(
let's hope i can haf the super big heart to compromise n accomodate him for a long long time!
11:26 PM
mood: blankhmm.. things are just so damn screwed up these days.. it's so true that there's nothing much worth living in the sorrow.. for i noe, there wun be someone to wipe my tears away..when tiredness n when the body n the brain cant take, they just break down.. n online shop is a difficult thing to start when i dun noe anyone who can provide help.
11:24 PM
mood: blah
oh wells it's my b'dae today n i dun a tinge bit of excitement..izzit always lidat when it comes to the same topic?when someone is not very keen abt it, the person will not even probe or even discuss any further?n does that just means he doesnt know what he wans? he doesnt really love that person so much so that he doesnt see a beautiful future?a person who keeps toking abt the future.. is someone who really yearns for a nice beautiful future.. but someone who doesnt, wha doesit mean?the person that u wish to haf dinner wif the most always dun rmb to confirm wif u until the last few moments. they alwasy take it for granted. that we will ask them again? cos they are forgetful? cos we r not so impt in their mind? it's just an obligation?having the same dreams of a relationship..when someone dun even dream about a relationship in the future, does tat mean it's hopeless?i'm faking myself.. even tho i really wanna tok abt stuff tonight,i'm holding back alot..but i still tried toking abt it..so stubborn right.. hahasperhaps up till now,i've been behaving so weirdly cos i noe stg..we both dun share the same dream..that's y those insecurities set in too..maybe we shud really consider a break up n nt waste each other's time?i shudn't really cling onto u anymore..it appears to be a small thing to haf the same dream to them,but it's a big thing to us..it seems to be so substance-less in a relationship..sudenly everything tat we've been thru..i haf no image of them..the future that i always hope to haf..not anymore.. hahasi tink i'm just gg to be damn disappointed.. really! trust me! we shall see in the time to come!!!!n i shall reveal this big disappointment when the time comes!!!i shall REN!!!
oh wells it's my b'dae today n i dun a tinge bit of excitement..izzit always lidat when it comes to the same topic?when someone is not very keen abt it, the person will not even probe or even discuss any further?n does that just means he doesnt know what he wans? he doesnt really love that person so much so that he doesnt see a beautiful future?a person who keeps toking abt the future.. is someone who really yearns for a nice beautiful future.. but someone who doesnt, wha doesit mean?the person that u wish to haf dinner wif the most always dun rmb to confirm wif u until the last few moments. they alwasy take it for granted. that we will ask them again? cos they are forgetful? cos we r not so impt in their mind? it's just an obligation?having the same dreams of a relationship..when someone dun even dream about a relationship in the future, does tat mean it's hopeless?i'm faking myself.. even tho i really wanna tok abt stuff tonight,i'm holding back alot..but i still tried toking abt it..so stubborn right.. hahasperhaps up till now,i've been behaving so weirdly cos i noe stg..we both dun share the same dream..that's y those insecurities set in too..maybe we shud really consider a break up n nt waste each other's time?i shudn't really cling onto u anymore..it appears to be a small thing to haf the same dream to them,but it's a big thing to us..it seems to be so substance-less in a relationship..sudenly everything tat we've been thru..i haf no image of them..the future that i always hope to haf..not anymore.. hahasi tink i'm just gg to be damn disappointed.. really! trust me! we shall see in the time to come!!!!n i shall reveal this big disappointment when the time comes!!!i shall REN!!!
11:23 PM
mood: sad
hmm tot alot today..
feels that i'm not happie at all.. since yst.. all the time i shud say..
perhaps when things are happie and hid the truth n reality well behind, i'll still be happie..
u can say i'm stubborn or whatever..
but r u doing justice to me?
i tink this will keep repeating.. i dun wan till a point when i'm tired of repeating n repeating n i lose the love for somebody..
i might as well end it now?!?!
cos to me,now i'm jus trying to heck care as much as possible too..
n it makes me feel super horrible..
can anyone just tell me what i shud do?
hmm tot alot today..
feels that i'm not happie at all.. since yst.. all the time i shud say..
perhaps when things are happie and hid the truth n reality well behind, i'll still be happie..
u can say i'm stubborn or whatever..
but r u doing justice to me?
i tink this will keep repeating.. i dun wan till a point when i'm tired of repeating n repeating n i lose the love for somebody..
i might as well end it now?!?!
cos to me,now i'm jus trying to heck care as much as possible too..
n it makes me feel super horrible..
can anyone just tell me what i shud do?
11:22 PM
