Sunday, December 21, 2008
before i say those badbad stuff.. i must faster write down all the good good stuff today..
can feel tat he tried to reach out for my hands several times today (tho it's only veri obvious in the noon, night a few times but i tink he was alr hurt by stg or he too slpy le); bought me a new bottle (hopefully he's not gonna say it's my x'mas gift sia); bought sm books from borders; had a good dinner (esp after so many unhappie tings today).
hmm.. did stg bad today.. i noe it's a big taboo to do tat but i really cant control myself.. i mean i dont mind if he doesnt ask why.. but since i said it out, i tink i kill it all too. really sorrie to him. i just duno y everytime i will feel guilty. not oly when wif him, but myself oso. or i haf the feeling of like r we really gonnabe together till death kind of ting? when it's like... ... or izzit just all man are like tat? am i gonna end up like my mum? only when he has the need, den he will treat u "super nice"? other than while slpingi hate tis kind of feeling.. so today i decided to take a big step.. if he loves me tat much, if he loves me from the bottom of his heart, it doesnt matter whether we do it or not. let time proves it all.
i dun deny tat it feels good at times. but if without it, will he survive thru our relationship?
on the escalator, i felt we were strangers. we stand both on the opposite side holding onto the handgrips, like we duno each other.
thru out the day, i was hurt totally again n again.
his u***** has been taking up all his time such tat wkdays, i need to accomodate him always. it seems like the most important ting in his life now. tho initially he said it was for his stay in his hall, it was hell sianzation. but now, i really duno. when i'm gg overseas, when i come back from overseas, when i send my mum n brother alone n had to drag my feet back.. he's not around.. why? cos he had unisus.. i had no choice but to everything eat into my stomach.. he never understands how i feel towards tis.. he only noes tat he's making time for me.. tat's y even if i wan to tok it out wif him oso pointless.. cos he's not gg to be tat kind of a bf.. even his mum cant tok him out of unisus.. i'm really damn sianZ.. who am i to him? i wan to tok him into cutting his hair oso cannot.. tok him into dun go for unisus i oso cannot.. i'm such a useless gf..
i really am upset.. but i tried damn hard tonight to keep tings as simple despite i haf the feeling tat he's hurt by the rejection he got tis noon.. i tried super hard until one pt i really wan to gif up.. but i had no choice.. i just kept trying until tings gt a little better.. it's just another exampl wher i dun try to tok tings out.. everything will be fine kind..
n he doesnt understand tat it's my last yr of uni.. my onli half yr is gone just lidat until next jan.. when i can enjoy the everyday see him.. everyday no wk stress kindof life wif him before i grad next yr.. he doesnt understand how much i yearn to make my last yr in uni a great one.. he just keeps spending time on U****** such tat i really can say ntg.. he gave me the feeling that i just hafta take it.. no compromises at all.. U**** must have him all the time.. if not dey cant do the stunt.. our relationship dun haf him for awhile, it's just yahr.. i wan to be understanding.. i dun mind being understanding if he had give in a little bit.. but he din even gif me a chance to ask for compromises.. each time i ask for compromises, it's like all my fault lidat... 28 cannot go pick me cos gt u****, "hahas.. too bad.. .i cant go pick u up" wth is this kind of remarks right? it hurts damn badly.. damn badly.. not kidding.. * sobs * n thus it just contributes to another case of no compromises, i just hafta take it.. cant he excuse himself abit earlier jus to pick me up?
he doesnt noe y i always tink bad about him.. tat's cos he doesnt noe tat he has given me no hopes or false hopes all the time. so mush so tat i hafta believe, "dun hope too much, or i'll get more hurt". so tis time round i intended to stay at home these days before i leave for HK.. if he doesnt haf time for me.. i wun go look for him.. if he cant pei me yst to send my mum n bros off, it's okay i will do it myself, i told myself dun be angry, dun be upset if i hafta go alone, even if i noe i will be darn tired. if he ccant send me off, it's okie. i will send myself off. i din even expect him to go pick us up when we return. N yet everything, almost all except one, came true. i noe i shudnt be so upset. but seriously, i tink i nidta get myself busy so tat i will be tired n wun tink so much.
haiz.. wadeva it is.. i tink tings shud just carry on n we shall see how far it can go.. his attitude twds me n his actions twds me.. excluding the U******, i tink today will be a good day =)
honestly i duno y but it has dawn on me tat stg happened btw him & k****. if not he wun keep her msg w/ the word "dear". did stg happen tat i duno? it's stg i really wan to noe, but i duno how to ask.. upsets! =(
& i tink i'm a vinegar pot. =P
passed by tis book stall along john little today saw tis book wif definition of love which actually originated from bible i tink...
A. LOVE IS PATIENT. V4 (Long suffering) Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
B. LOVE IS KIND. V4 Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
C. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. V4 (envieth not) Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
D. LOVE DOES NOT BRAG. V4 (vaunteth not itself) Even when you want to tell the world about your accomplishments. Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
E. LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT. V4 (is not puffed up) Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
F. LOVE IS DOES NOT ACT UNBECOMINGLY. V5 (Does not behave seemly) Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
G. LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. V5 Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
H. LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED. V5 Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.
I. LOVE DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG SUFFERED. V5 (thinketh no evil) Even when everyone seems to be against you or when people openly attack you. Love does not hold a grudge against someone. Love forgives, chooses not to bring up past wrongs in accusation or retaliation, does not return evil for evil, and does not indulge in self pity. Love covers a multitude of sins.
J. LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. V6 (rejoiceth not in iniquity) Even when it seems like a misfortune was exactly what another person deserved. Love mourns over sin, its effects and the pain which results from living in a fallen world. Love seeks to reconcile others with the Lord.
K. LOVE REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. V6 Even when it is easier and more profitable materially to lie. Love is joyful when truth is known, even when it may lead to adverse circumstances, reviling and persecution.
L. LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS. V7 Even when disappointments seem overwhelming. Love is tolerant, endures with others who are difficult to understand or deal with, and has an eternal perspective in difficulties. Love remembers that God develops spiritual maturity through difficult circumstances.
M. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when other's actions are ambiguous and you feel like not trusting anyone. Love accepts trustfully, does not judge people's motives, and believes others until facts prove otherwise. Even when facts prove that the other person is untrustworthy, love seeks to help restore the other to trustworthiness.
N. LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when nothing appears to be going right. Love expects fulfillment of God's plan and anticipates the best for the other person. Love confidently entrusts others to the Lord to do His sovereign and perfect will in their lives.
O. LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS. V7 This is one of the hardest to practice. Especially when you think you just can't endure the people or circumstances in your life. Love remains steadfast under suffering or hardship without yielding and returns good while undergoing trials.
P. LOVE NEVER FAILS. V8 Even when you feel overwhelmed and the situation seems hopeless. Love will not crumble under pressure or difficulties. Love remains selflessly faithful even to the point of death.
hmm.. it's just smtimes defeats " love is selfish" .. and all the wonderful acts to show how much u love a person.. sighs.. even how great love can be.. vulnerable.. =( smtimes, i tink tis kind of tinking alot kills everything btw me n him.. but i guess it makes me grow n understand myself n him better... so let's see when our fate can last till.. until the day when he super super confirm abt us and hopefully changes alittle tat shows how much he zhong shi me, i still haf the feeling of ... ... ... =(
PS: catholics had a good time together in a relationship? cos they haf the same views of what love is? =)
can feel tat he tried to reach out for my hands several times today (tho it's only veri obvious in the noon, night a few times but i tink he was alr hurt by stg or he too slpy le); bought me a new bottle (hopefully he's not gonna say it's my x'mas gift sia); bought sm books from borders; had a good dinner (esp after so many unhappie tings today).
hmm.. did stg bad today.. i noe it's a big taboo to do tat but i really cant control myself.. i mean i dont mind if he doesnt ask why.. but since i said it out, i tink i kill it all too. really sorrie to him. i just duno y everytime i will feel guilty. not oly when wif him, but myself oso. or i haf the feeling of like r we really gonnabe together till death kind of ting? when it's like... ... or izzit just all man are like tat? am i gonna end up like my mum? only when he has the need, den he will treat u "super nice"? other than while slpingi hate tis kind of feeling.. so today i decided to take a big step.. if he loves me tat much, if he loves me from the bottom of his heart, it doesnt matter whether we do it or not. let time proves it all.
i dun deny tat it feels good at times. but if without it, will he survive thru our relationship?
on the escalator, i felt we were strangers. we stand both on the opposite side holding onto the handgrips, like we duno each other.
thru out the day, i was hurt totally again n again.
his u***** has been taking up all his time such tat wkdays, i need to accomodate him always. it seems like the most important ting in his life now. tho initially he said it was for his stay in his hall, it was hell sianzation. but now, i really duno. when i'm gg overseas, when i come back from overseas, when i send my mum n brother alone n had to drag my feet back.. he's not around.. why? cos he had unisus.. i had no choice but to everything eat into my stomach.. he never understands how i feel towards tis.. he only noes tat he's making time for me.. tat's y even if i wan to tok it out wif him oso pointless.. cos he's not gg to be tat kind of a bf.. even his mum cant tok him out of unisus.. i'm really damn sianZ.. who am i to him? i wan to tok him into cutting his hair oso cannot.. tok him into dun go for unisus i oso cannot.. i'm such a useless gf..
i really am upset.. but i tried damn hard tonight to keep tings as simple despite i haf the feeling tat he's hurt by the rejection he got tis noon.. i tried super hard until one pt i really wan to gif up.. but i had no choice.. i just kept trying until tings gt a little better.. it's just another exampl wher i dun try to tok tings out.. everything will be fine kind..
n he doesnt understand tat it's my last yr of uni.. my onli half yr is gone just lidat until next jan.. when i can enjoy the everyday see him.. everyday no wk stress kindof life wif him before i grad next yr.. he doesnt understand how much i yearn to make my last yr in uni a great one.. he just keeps spending time on U****** such tat i really can say ntg.. he gave me the feeling that i just hafta take it.. no compromises at all.. U**** must have him all the time.. if not dey cant do the stunt.. our relationship dun haf him for awhile, it's just yahr.. i wan to be understanding.. i dun mind being understanding if he had give in a little bit.. but he din even gif me a chance to ask for compromises.. each time i ask for compromises, it's like all my fault lidat... 28 cannot go pick me cos gt u****, "hahas.. too bad.. .i cant go pick u up" wth is this kind of remarks right? it hurts damn badly.. damn badly.. not kidding.. * sobs * n thus it just contributes to another case of no compromises, i just hafta take it.. cant he excuse himself abit earlier jus to pick me up?
he doesnt noe y i always tink bad about him.. tat's cos he doesnt noe tat he has given me no hopes or false hopes all the time. so mush so tat i hafta believe, "dun hope too much, or i'll get more hurt". so tis time round i intended to stay at home these days before i leave for HK.. if he doesnt haf time for me.. i wun go look for him.. if he cant pei me yst to send my mum n bros off, it's okay i will do it myself, i told myself dun be angry, dun be upset if i hafta go alone, even if i noe i will be darn tired. if he ccant send me off, it's okie. i will send myself off. i din even expect him to go pick us up when we return. N yet everything, almost all except one, came true. i noe i shudnt be so upset. but seriously, i tink i nidta get myself busy so tat i will be tired n wun tink so much.
haiz.. wadeva it is.. i tink tings shud just carry on n we shall see how far it can go.. his attitude twds me n his actions twds me.. excluding the U******, i tink today will be a good day =)
honestly i duno y but it has dawn on me tat stg happened btw him & k****. if not he wun keep her msg w/ the word "dear". did stg happen tat i duno? it's stg i really wan to noe, but i duno how to ask.. upsets! =(
& i tink i'm a vinegar pot. =P
passed by tis book stall along john little today saw tis book wif definition of love which actually originated from bible i tink...
A. LOVE IS PATIENT. V4 (Long suffering) Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
B. LOVE IS KIND. V4 Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
C. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. V4 (envieth not) Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
D. LOVE DOES NOT BRAG. V4 (vaunteth not itself) Even when you want to tell the world about your accomplishments. Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
E. LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT. V4 (is not puffed up) Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
F. LOVE IS DOES NOT ACT UNBECOMINGLY. V5 (Does not behave seemly) Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
G. LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. V5 Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
H. LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED. V5 Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.
I. LOVE DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG SUFFERED. V5 (thinketh no evil) Even when everyone seems to be against you or when people openly attack you. Love does not hold a grudge against someone. Love forgives, chooses not to bring up past wrongs in accusation or retaliation, does not return evil for evil, and does not indulge in self pity. Love covers a multitude of sins.
J. LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. V6 (rejoiceth not in iniquity) Even when it seems like a misfortune was exactly what another person deserved. Love mourns over sin, its effects and the pain which results from living in a fallen world. Love seeks to reconcile others with the Lord.
K. LOVE REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. V6 Even when it is easier and more profitable materially to lie. Love is joyful when truth is known, even when it may lead to adverse circumstances, reviling and persecution.
L. LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS. V7 Even when disappointments seem overwhelming. Love is tolerant, endures with others who are difficult to understand or deal with, and has an eternal perspective in difficulties. Love remembers that God develops spiritual maturity through difficult circumstances.
M. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when other's actions are ambiguous and you feel like not trusting anyone. Love accepts trustfully, does not judge people's motives, and believes others until facts prove otherwise. Even when facts prove that the other person is untrustworthy, love seeks to help restore the other to trustworthiness.
N. LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when nothing appears to be going right. Love expects fulfillment of God's plan and anticipates the best for the other person. Love confidently entrusts others to the Lord to do His sovereign and perfect will in their lives.
O. LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS. V7 This is one of the hardest to practice. Especially when you think you just can't endure the people or circumstances in your life. Love remains steadfast under suffering or hardship without yielding and returns good while undergoing trials.
P. LOVE NEVER FAILS. V8 Even when you feel overwhelmed and the situation seems hopeless. Love will not crumble under pressure or difficulties. Love remains selflessly faithful even to the point of death.
hmm.. it's just smtimes defeats " love is selfish" .. and all the wonderful acts to show how much u love a person.. sighs.. even how great love can be.. vulnerable.. =( smtimes, i tink tis kind of tinking alot kills everything btw me n him.. but i guess it makes me grow n understand myself n him better... so let's see when our fate can last till.. until the day when he super super confirm abt us and hopefully changes alittle tat shows how much he zhong shi me, i still haf the feeling of ... ... ... =(
PS: catholics had a good time together in a relationship? cos they haf the same views of what love is? =)
1:03 AM
