Thursday, January 8, 2009
n tonight.. i tink i really spoil him too much le.. since tues i went down to fetch him, he expects me to fetch him today again.. he never intends to cab down to my place again.. i really spoilt him.. what i'm experiencing is totally all my fault.. it's me who spoilt him.. i hate everything that we haf built until lidat...
I"M VERYYY UUUUPPPPPPSSSSEEEEETTTTTT NOW!!!
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME.. NO ONE... NOT HIM...!!!!
IT'S ALL THESE BIGBIG THINGS THAT HAS MADE ME SUPER UPSET N CRY ALL NIGHT LONG.. I'M TIRED.. !
SO BE IT.. DUN COME DOWN DEN DUN COME DOWN LOR.. he NEVER once cab down to find me.. i feel sooo insignificant.. really... all along.. when haf i been significant? from pageant to sis's wedding to coming over at ungodly hours?
I'M JUST BACK TO THE AME OLD PROBLEMS.. is he really meant for me? or i've been forcing it to be we are meant to be tog kind of ting? seriously i'm very negative about US.. i really dun wanna a relationship that 20 yrs down the road i haf alot of regrets n unsaid wei qu.. up till now, i tink we haf missed alot.. his pageant, his sis's wedding, the everytime we meet.. honestly i regret.. i regret that our relationship is in such a deep shit.. so shaky so unstable so unsure so difficult to believe that we r in a relationship when u look at the pageant, when u look at the wedding, when u look at the photos...
i tot i can forget it.. but tonight i realise i cant.. really cant control my tears anymore.. loneliness on the dinner itself is alright.. but the photos.. goodness.. it's just another CUT, CUT THRU MY HEART N I REALLY HAF NO IDEA HOW TO MEND IT.. the pageant ting took me 4months n up til now it became a bit blurish.. with the userpic taken wif somebody else.. ARGH!!! HOW SHUD I FACE IT? I REALLY NEED SMBODY TO TELL ME. I TINK ANYBODY WHO NOES MY RELATIONSHIP WIF HIM IS LIDAT, THEY MIGHT WONDER WHAT KIND OF SHITTY RELATIONSHIP OR WHAT KIND OF SHITTY MENTALITY I HAF FOR TIS RELATIONSHIP??????????????
is it really so that impossible for him to just come over n pei me? wad is he tinking? to save that money.. he's really spoilt.. i pampered him too much that i hafta suffer myself now.. haiz.. why? why? why did offer to fetch him tat day? TOTALLY SUCKS HIM!!!... SAD
Y IS MY RELATIONSHIP WIF HIM SO UNFORSEEABLE IN THE FUTURE? Y IS MY RELATIONSHIP WIF HIM FILLED WIF SO MUCH REGRETS? Y IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM IS LIKE REDUNDANT TO HIM? (rmb wad he said before when we quarrelled or tok over the phone some time ago.. i tink i'm veri hurt by it.. to him, seriously just like what he told me.. he's okie without it.. he wun be veri affected.. omgomgomg.. y did i end up lidat? y?y did i still push myself to try further when smbody ... ... ... haiz... i tot i've been nice.. been really nice to accomodate everything.. (I MAY SEEM TO HAVE MORE TIME THAN U.. TAT'S COS I MAKE TIME FOR U.. SO THAT TINGS ARE EASIER FOR U... NOW I REALISE IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME...) perhaps i really give in too much that i dun tink for myself.. onli tink for him.. but he's not the kind tat will tink for me for everything.. so i guess i shud do some justice to myself.. I DUNO HOW LONG I HAFTA wait till the day when he noes how to tink for me for everything.. tat's de day i noe he's worth sacrificing n compromising for.. in this world, this kind of guy really extinct le? haiz.. pathetic..
perhaps i've been doing insignificant stuff for him, like camping in front of the com? hahas.. i really have no idea wad's significant to him? WAD'S MEANINGFUL TO HIM? COS WADEVA TAT HAS GOT TO DO WIF HIM, AS LONG AS I CAN BE OF HELP, I'LL BE VERI HAPPIE.. JUST CALL ME NAIVE LAHR.. HAIZ..
feel super awfull.. tink i'm gonna force myself to slp again... no point being so upset myself.. i nidtaa do justice to myself.. feeling hurt n upset alone is unjustice...
9:18 PM
